Grandmamas Whispering To Me in Midst of Panic Attack

Do you know that you are loved?
That this love we got for you can stretch you without hell and shame?
Can feel God and full moon and sand
You do not have to keep your pain pressed down and shaken
Run over
Open your throat
Do not hold back blessing
You can’t game God
You don’t choose destiny
not because you’re a wretch and unloveable
But you don’t even know all the possible that could ever possible.
Did you ever even see yourself here?
The “how” was never any of your business
Get clear on your why
The assignment if you choose to accept – love anyway
In hopeless places
Dream hard
Prayer circle when all you want to do is sleep yourself into numb
We be fence all around you everyday
This uncondition means that there ain’t nothing that separates you from God and good

The call is always coming from inside the house
You are the home and the heaven
The baby you thought you were healing is cheering you on
You been carrying her picture around in the back of your phone

Telling yourself you you were sending back the believe you deserved then
Never once considered she was sankofa-ing you back
Telling you that you are the secret wish her heart made
To be big on purpose
You been carrying her wonder
Bright side
Every optimism is an offering
She needed to see the world from full
You gave her that
Put her in places to get a hug back
She is here
Hold her hand when you need comfort
Let her guide you
Tomorrow you will be rooting for the shit you do today
She is so grateful for the labor you give of freely
The soul work that doesn’t feel like anything but air
It is the difference between gas chamber and ocean breeze
You don’t always think your words matter
But you are a world builder
Fragmenting maps in micro notes
Instagram stories
Your dreams return because it is a code only you can crack
Trust them
The hate will keep coming

We are always here
You may have to wait but we’ll come
It is the remember that kept you here
Hold all of it and keep going
You are getting to free
We see it
So bright and full
We don’t miss
Remember that
Storms come but we do not miss
When you leave it will be time
But while you are here, give where you get
Book the departing flight
Let us order the other steps
Be smart but hold space for the miracles you are expecting
Start by acknowledging all the ones that already happened
Give the babies the sacred of you
Look for aunties that look for you in own
Don’t be afraid to see love in the spaces it ain’t supposed to be
Do not let the deluded rob you of any room
Use your whole toolkit
Keep your heart
What do you root in?
Where can love find a forwarding address?
Be still every now and then
We do not give you yourself to torture you
You know the other side well
So water here
And she is worthy of here

Love here
Welcome here
Home here
Do you know the crown that you gave yourself when you picked up our call and named yourself “and she’s here”?
You wrote the vision baby
You already wrote it

Kelsey Daniels (she/they) is an artist organizer baddie scholar from Southeast San Diego that knows that telling her story and curating space for others to do the same is a crucial part of building new worlds. She has made her mark in the arts world performing at high schools, colleges, conferences, and poetry venues across the country. Most recently, Kelsey was a finalist at the inaugural Stonewall International Poetry Slam ranking #7 queer poet in the world. She founded and hosts a venue called Check, Please: an open mic experiment, that aims to imagine what creative community that prioritized connection over perfection could look like. She is also building a hub for sacred collective wellness called The Black Dream Experiment. When Kelsey is not moving in her public roles she enjoys going to the beach, cackling until her sides hurt and listening to her comfort playlists. Follow Kelsey at @AndShesHere_ on Instagram/Twitter or at